Weekend

Ramblings - other peoples dreams are so boring. Sorry.

Been a bit up and down over the weekend. Feeling emotionally overwhelmed with one thing and another. Day that should have been one of great happiness just one of great sadness because of a death and not being mentioned coming up to spill over and the artistic temperament getting the better of me. I don't know if it's because I am Aquarian that I cannot tell someone when they are hurting me or because I am so sensitive myself that I don't want to risk hurting their feelings. Both I suppose. That is what friends are for and my sports car. I have been having the craziest and sometimes prophetic dreams of late. I don't know if it's due to the lack of continuous sleep or just a blip. They seem to take over my entire day and leave me somewhat removed from reality like ghosts. I dreamt (I can hear you groaning from here) about a person I thought was a friend and who has dumped me but I don't know why - that bit is true, which has really bothered me. In the dream she explained why - that I was unsympathetic about a death of her friend and it was all a great misunderstanding. The dream was so vivid. I was haunted all day and to be fair really am still haunted by this as I saw her last week and she was so cool with me when I attempted to say hello. I genuinely have no idea what I have done to deserve the cold shoulder. People say to me just move on forget about it, but I am petrified that I have really hurt them or there has been a miscommunication only too chicken to ask. So there we are.

On the Art
I entered the Lynn Stainers Painters prize this year yesterday and had an afternoon of feeling both sad and glad that I was doing something active about my painting. Shame about the sadness that has developed over the weekend. Hopefully it will pass or I will have to speak up. I wish I could just say what is on my mind and it be over with. Hard to find the words. . . ooh she is off again. Right I drove up to 17 Carlton Terrace to deliver Life Models painting. I don't think I have a photo (rests teeth on lower lip - oops) round the back of Pall Mall and found it easy enough, had to go to cash point and get entry fee out and managed to do all that without paying for parking. Result! The blokes doing the taking of the items must have thought what a nutter. I came in reasonably cheery to drop it off then by the time I had the cash I was blubbing again. Maybe they thought I was tight and could not bear to part with my money. . . hmm or painting. Then is was off to buy materials with my Life Drawing Teacher in Paperchase. I was just enough time for a coffee early aaaaaaaaaand found another free parking space. Double result! So there I was in Cafe Nero - Tottenham Court Road reading Atonement over a very good cappuccino and tears running down my face in the window. I wondered if the passing pedestrians were thinking oooh what a moving book or that must be very strong coffee. Then off to Paperchase to run riot like a small child in the sweet shop at all the different pens in all the colours. Not so exciting as I remember it, but I am very excited about using my new Tria pens with 3 whole nibs. Oh yeah baby!

We ended up just dumping the car at home and going for a drink in Westow House which had a crazy salsa soul disco going on. Excellent. Suits my mood I thought being already a bit hammered on a bottle of wine and not much food at home. We went to check on our work that was up in the Signals Exhibition and stumbled on the disco. Had a boogie and a laugh. Made me feel a bit better. Well it is Monday now so start of new week of sorting out studio and all that that entails.

Tri
Angry run yesterday morning - fast once round park which I thought might get the hurt out of my system, but just made me look mad (thankfully wearing dark glasses). I managed to stop myself breaking down on the way in, but lost it up the hill on the way back once I thought of the ultimately most sad event of last week which had me crying on the sofa at home and being angry and upset all day. Ooh she must be working hard all those passers by must have thought.

Web
No web. It's the weekend!